Just in case you think you’ve had a bad day

Just
in case you think you’ve had a bad day, consider how is could

have
been much, much worse ….

=> CURL UP AND
DIE

I
walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and

asked
loudly, “How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?”

=> LADY GOLFER

I
was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was

unhappy
with the women’s type I had been using. After browsing for several

minutes,
I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works

at
the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at

him
and said, “I think I like playing with men’s balls.”

=> NUTS ABOUT YOU

My
sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a

variety
of nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind

the
counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, “No, I’m just looking

at
your nuts.” My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned,

and
I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never

let
me forget.

=> NA-NA NA-NA
NA-NAH!

While
in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release

some
pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her

after
receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons.  I told

her
that if she did not start behaving “right now” she would be punished.

To
my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as

threatening,
“If you don’t let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I

saw
you kissing Daddy’s pee-pee last night!” The silence was deafening

after
this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were

doing.
I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank

with
my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed

behind
me were screams of laughter.

=> SURPRISE!

It
was the day before my eighteenth birthday. I was living at home, but my

parents
had gone out for the evening, so I invited my girlfriend over for

a
romantic night alone. As we lay in bed after making love, we heard the

telephone
ring downstairs. I suggested to my girlfriend that I give her a

nude
piggyback ride to the phone. Since we didn’t want to miss the call,

we
didn’t have time to get dressed. When we got to the bottom of the

stairs,
the lights suddenly came on and a whole crowd of people yelled,

“SURPRISE!”

My
entire family: aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins and all my friends

were
standing there. My girlfriend and I were frozen in a state of shock

and
embarrassment for what seemed like an eternity. Since then, no one in

my
family has planned a surprise party again.

=> PRICELESS

One
of the funniest “most-embarrassing-moment” stories I’ve come upon in
a

long
time was about a lady who picked up several items at a discount

store.
When she finally got up to the checker, she learned that one of her

items
had no price tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on

the
intercom and boomed out for all the store to hear, “PRICE CHECK ON

LANE
THIRTEEN, TAMPAX, SUPER SIZE.” That was bad enough, but somebody at

the
rear of the store apparently misunderstood the word “TAMPAX” for

“THUMBTACKS.”
In a businesslike tone, a voice boomed back over the

intercom.
“DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND

YOU
POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?”